Feedback on AI-Influenced Content

What’s Working Well

Your essay demonstrates a clear focus on [specific theme], and that focus helps create a sense of direction throughout your writing. It’s clear you’ve put thought into what you want to communicate, and that’s a strong foundation to build on. Readers will resonate strongly with [theme] as it can show them [potential].

I love that you’ve chosen to write about [topic], as it shows your values and priorities. This topic has the potential to tell a very compelling story that feels uniquely yours. Admissions readers are especially interested in finding students who are passionate about [topic] so this is a great choice!

Your essay has a well-organized structure that helps the reader connect with your theme. The way you’ve introduced the situation and explained your actions creates a clear narrative. Readers will be excited by your engaging story about ___ which sets up a strong framework for reflection!

Your essay reflects meaningful ideas, especially when you talk about [specific concept]. Readers will be excited to know that you are ready to think deeply about your experiences—and I am excited to help you dig deeper with your revisions! Let’s go!

Your reflections on [specific part of the essay] reveal a thoughtful perspective that is really promising. This establishes an exciting jumping-off point to demonstrate your [potential/trait]!

It’s clear that you care about [topic/experience], and that connection comes through in the narratives you’ve shared. Readers will resonate with your intellectual curiosity and drive, two traits colleges are looking for! I’m excited to learn more about [topic/experience] in this revision process with you!

You’ve chosen a topic that demonstrates your values, which is a great way to show your personality. Your narratives about X and Y will help readers imagine the kind of person you will be on campus, in and outside of the classroom. This is a great start for your personal statement!

You’ve included some creative ideas, like [specific concept or example], which makes your essay stand out. Readers will be intrigued by how your mind works—that’s a great way to grab their attention!

Your essay touches on a unique perspective about [specific issue/experience], and that’s such an important insight. Showing that you will bring something new and authentic to your college campus could be a very impactful theme for your personal statement! I’m excited to dive in!

What You Can Improve

Replacing Technical Lists with Emotional Resonance: While you’ve shared details that show your intelligence and skill, readers may be distracted by these lists due to their length. I’m also worried that your initiative and potential aren’t as impressive as they could be due to the lack of emotional reflection. By writing new content about your motivation and growth at key moments in your narrative, readers will be invested in this narrative and in your future! I’ve used in-text comments to highlight where you can replace your long lists with personal insight.

Highlighting Your Growth: You’ve listed many interesting experiences, but we don’t get to learn about your specific roles, responsibilities, or growth through your summaries. Readers will be eager to learn about how these experiences deepened your knowledge of and interest in neuroscience. By adding specific moments and insights from these experiences, readers will engage with your experiences—and your intellectual curiosity—more profoundly. This will help them imagine you taking on new intellectual challenges in the future!

Your Next Draft

In this revision, let’s work on incorporating emotional resonance and clarity of your leadership strengths by rewriting key moments and reflections in Sections 2 and 3.

Section 2: Then, let’s replace your summary of all of your roles in the club with a specific example of one setback or obstacle when you stepped up as a leader. My questions in the comments below will walk you through showing your actions and impact. Your new content will help readers visualize your strengths as a leader. Through personal reflection, this new content will also help readers see your growth as an empathetic leader who looks for ways to bring everyone together.

• Encourage students to replace summaries or broad statements with specific moments.

• Highlight where language can shift from descriptive to reflective to add emotional resonance.

• Scaffold our questions to help students dig deeper into the transformational moments in their narratives and the meaning behind their impact.

This sentence uses terms like “passion,” “commitment,” and “drive,” but it doesn’t explain how these qualities shaped your specific actions. Without personal examples, the reader might find it hard to see what makes your experience unique. I strongly recommend that you replace these generic terms with a description of a specific moment that demonstrates how you put your passion into action. For example, did you organize a fundraiser for a local cause or mentor a younger student who was struggling? Sharing a detailed moment will bring your passion to life and help readers understand how it drives your actions. In my next comment, I’ve added a few scaffolded questions to help you write this content.

Phrases like 'I was determined to succeed' and 'I worked tirelessly' describe effort but don’t illustrate your process or decisions. Without specifics, admissions readers won’t be able to visualize your determination or leadership capabilities. Instead of summarizing your success, let’s write 3-4 new sentences that describe one distinct challenge you faced when you launched the allyship club and the steps you took to solve the problem. Why were you the right person to overcome the challenge? What unique leadership skills did you bring to the table that contributed to the club’s immediate growth? How was the launch of the club even better because of your hard work?

Phrases like ‘changed my perspective forever’ could be powerful if readers could see this change in action, but without any specificity, there isn’t much impact. Let’s replace these broad claims with a concrete example of what happened next. How did your changed perspective impact your actions as a more confident and collaborative leader?

Words like 'inspiring' and 'transformative' are great for capturing emotion, but they don’t give the reader enough detail to see the moment through your eyes. When you rely so heavily on adjectives, your writing might sound descriptive, but it doesn’t feel very personal. Remember, we want readers to feel a strong connection to you and your potential through your story! I recommend you replace this description with 3-5 sentences that reflect more personally on why helping animals was a turning point in your growth. How did this experience change your perspective on animal welfare? What emotions did you experience during your time at the shelter? Was it rewarding, heartbreaking, or both? Did this experience influence how you talk about helping others, either animals or people? What is an example of a different kind of conversation you have now?

This section focuses on ambitious but fuzzy ideas like ‘making an impact’ and ‘changing lives.’ Readers will connect with your story more profoundly if you show how your actions made a difference. For example, what specific problem did you solve or experience did you create as a volunteer counselor that impacted your campers? How did you see your impact “change” them? What was a specific change you saw in one camper? Describing one unique challenge or exchange will engage the readers more than a summary!

Phrases like “value of teamwork” and “resilience” are meaningful but feel abstract without context. Let’s replace this summary with an example of how you demonstrated teamwork during a challenge. What specific role did you play in collaborating with others, and what was the result of your efforts? Did collaborating come naturally to you, or was this something you needed to work at? If it came naturally, did you help others contribute as well? If it was a challenge, why was it important to you to work hard at it and become better at teamwork? Concrete details and reflections will make this lesson resonate with readers.

While “eye-opening” and “importance of compassion” capture emotion, they lack depth. Let’s make this moment more personal by describing one specific interaction at the shelter that influenced your perspective. What assumptions or expectations did you have before volunteering, and how did they change? Was there a moment when you realized how complex or difficult the work at the shelter truly is? What was it? How did your actions, small or big, make a tangible difference at the shelter? How will you carry this experience forward into other parts of your life?

Phrases like “inspired my peers” and “achieve more” sound impressive but don’t provide insight into your leadership style. Replace this with a description of a specific instance where you motivated your team. What was the situation? What strategy did you use to bring everyone together? How did your leadership make a measurable difference? Will you do anything differently next time? These details will illustrate your impact and growth more effectively.

“Completely changed my life” is a powerful statement, but without evidence, it may not leave an impression. Let’s describe the moment in more detail. What happened, and why was it transformative? More importantly, how has it influenced your decisions or actions since? Make sure to share one distinct example of a way that you have acted or thought differently since this experience to show that this claim is true. This reflection will give your story emotional weight.

While this statement is important, it feels surface-level. Let’s replace it with a specific example of when you encountered a new perspective or cultural difference that challenged your assumptions. Reflecting on this experience will show readers how you grew and why it mattered. Was there a conversation or interaction that challenged your assumptions or made you see something in a new way? Did you meet someone whose story or experiences left a strong impression on you? What about it stood out? Did you initially struggle to understand or connect with someone’s perspective or behavior? How did you work through that? How did you react when you were exposed to something unfamiliar, and what did you learn about yourself in that moment?

This sentence summarizes the achievement but doesn’t reveal much about your journey to winning. Let’s replace this with a description of one key moment in your preparation or performance that highlights your motivation and passion for piano. This will allow readers to understand and celebrate your success with you. What does winning a competition represent to you? Is it about recognition, validation of your effort, or something else? Do you view winning as the goal, or is the process of preparing and performing just as meaningful?

Listing accomplishments without emotional context can feel mechanical. Let’s focus on one of these roles and describe your thought process to help readers learn what makes you such a great leader and problem solver! For instance, what was the most challenging event you organized? How did you delegate tasks and identify issues before they became huge problems? What was the biggest challenge? What was the end result of this event/strategy? How did it feel to have a success even after so many challenges? Focusing in on the details and your perspective will make your contributions feel more personal and engaging.

While this expresses your motivation, it doesn’t give the reader a sense of how you help others or why it matters to you. Let’s replace this with a specific moment when you helped someone and how that has shaped your empathy. What were your specific actions? Why was this the person or community you wanted to help? Did you have a personal connection to them? What do you hope the people or community you’re serving take away from your efforts? What do you learn about yourself during these experiences that brings you fulfillment? How do you think community service contributes to a better world, and why does being part of that effort fulfill you?

Phrases like “it wasn’t easy” are vague and don’t help the reader understand your journey. I recommend that you replace this with a description of one challenge you faced and the specific steps you took to overcome it. Readers will be more impressed by the effort and decisions you made than by the general outcome. If they can picture the success you’ve already had, they’ll be able to imagine your success in the future!

While these qualities are admirable, they don’t provide insight into your experience. Let’s describe one moment that demonstrates how the program helped you grow as a leader or think innovatively. What did you do, and how did it push you outside your comfort zone? Personalizing this will make the statement more impactful.

Brainstorming Our Brainstorming Questions

1. What inspired you to take on this challenge or opportunity?

2. Why was ___ important to you?

3. Have you always been someone who ____ or was this a new challenge?

4. Did you face any doubts or hesitations before starting? What pushed you forward anyway?

5. What excited you most about this experience before you began? What did you hope would happen?

1. What specific steps did you take to contribute to the project?

2. What was the biggest obstacle in this experience? What steps did you take to overcome this obstacle? Did you need to adapt and change the plan? How did you do this?

3. What was the most surprising part of the experience? Why was it surprising? How did that surprise impact your actions?

4. Did you collaborate with others to achieve your goals? What role did you play? Was collaboration a key part of the success of your project? Was that collaboration easy to bring together, or did you need to negotiate everyone’s role?

5. How did you use your skills or knowledge to achieve your goal? Or did you need to learn new skills? If so, what were they?

1. What changed because of your actions—within the community, your team, or yourself? Did you learn something new about yourself or your goals?

2. In what particular ways did one specific person or group benefit from your efforts?

3. How did your contributions influence the outcome of the project or activity? What wouldn’t have been accomplished if you hadn’t been there?

4. What feedback or reactions did you receive from others? How did that make you feel?

5. What was the most meaningful result of your efforts? Why does that impact stand out to you?

1. What did you learn about yourself through this experience?

2. How did this experience change the way you approach similar situations or challenges?

3. How did your perspective on the (activity/community/challenge) evolve over time?

4. What new (questions/goals) did this experience inspire you to pursue?

5. How would you apply what you learned to future challenges or opportunities?

• What emotions did you experience at key moments, and how did they shape your decisions?

• How would you explain the significance of this experience to someone who wasn’t there?

• If you could relive this experience, would you approach anything differently, and why?

• How does this story reflect who you are or who you hope to become?

Our AI Approach in Action